If someone close to you has ever been diagnosed with cancer chances are you may have been at a loss for what to say and do to support them.

You are not alone.

Experts including oncologists, psychologists and cancer patients themselves say there are a number of things you should avoid and several things you can do when it comes to supporting a loved one dealing with cancer.

The worst mistake you can make is being afraid and not doing or saying anything.

Other errors include asking inappropriate questions, such as the patient’s prognosis, offering theories on why your loved one got sick, giving unsolicited advice, or insisting that “everything is going to be just fine.”

So what can you do to support your loved one?

Take your lead from that person.

If he or she wants to talk about it, then listen.

Do not treat the person as just a patient.

Ask about other aspects of his or her life, such as children.

Ask permission before you share news of someone’s illness with others.

Don’t recommend books or treatments without asking if the patient would like to hear about them.

Ask exactly what type of help your loved one needs and don’t be discouraged if your offer for help is declined at first.

People who are newly diagnosed often don’t know what kind of help they need or are used to being independent.

Resources to help people offer support to cancer patients are available through the National Cancer Institute at www.cancer.gov or through the American Cancer Society at www.cancer.org.