Is It Worth It? - Christmas Illumination

By: Erik Mrotek
By: Erik Mrotek

 

It's that time of year again when the hustle and the bustle of the holidays just take over. Normally, I'd say it's the crush of the crowds is the most annoying thing to me. But this year, there's a new contender - decorative lights. And I mean all lights: Icicle Lights, String Lights, Lawn Ornament Lights - even those newfangled LED lights.

Sure, they look great when they're up. But before I even get the chance to climb up and down a ladder for a couple of afternoons both in and out of the house, the first struggle is just getting the things lit up. No matter how well they worked last year or how well I coiled them and packed them away - they never light when they're first plugged in. It's simply amazing. I mean, one light goes out - they ALL go out... even though they're designed not to do it. And don't even get me started on how half a string lights up and the other half stays dark.

So, in the spirit of the holidays - and to preserve my sanity - I offer this (the tune should be obvious).  Enjoy!

String of lights, crummy lights!
All are dark, none are bright.
Upon the ev'rgreen, room and roof.
Worked at first, then all went poof.
Make my aching head cease.
Make my aching head cease.
String of lights, lousy lights!
Shake my head at the sight.
Testing bulbs with strings stretched out far.
Soon, I'm ready to head for the bar.
Now my patience is worn!
Now my patience is worn.
String of lights, blasted lights!
Changed the bulbs, still not right.
Busted wires aren't easily traced.
Easier just to get them replaced.
Certain it's not what its worth.
Certain it's not what its worth.

There, I feel a little better. Now I can go back to try and figure out why the whole tree just shut off and won't come back on after being lit for the whole day. I wish I were kidding.

E

P.S. Turns out it was a bad fuse. Now one of the outdoor spiral trees just went out...

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